“How was it?”
How in the world do I answer that?
My crazy life has once again swallowed me whole. I’m back to my precious family and friends, back to my private patients and running my business, back on the road constantly for my son’s travel soccer, back to reality.
The question I am asked daily is “How was it?” Three simple words that I struggle to answer. How do I condense two weeks of a life-altering medical mission into a polite social response? The answer is… I can’t. I understand now why people say catch phrases like “It’s life changing” and “You just have to experience it yourself”. It is impossible for me to convey something so profound in a few minutes, so I end up not saying much at all. Then I feel like I’ve let people down.
Believe it or not the BIG lesson is actually very clear and concise, even though my pediatric nurse persona and my hospice nurse persona are in conflict over a few ethical questions (I’ll address those two issues in a future post). But I’m not being asked what life lesson I learned or what ethical questions were raised. People want to know “How was it?” “It” ran the emotional gamut.
There was bad…
I would be lying if I didn’t admit that it was kinda frightening. It was eerily quiet during the hartals (public strikes). But the silence was better than the loudspeaker propaganda. You didn’t have to understand the language to know that the tone was hostile and threatening. I never really felt unsafe, but the whole train/car bombing/mass protest/people being killed thing was unnerving at times.
This is what the front page of the paper looked like most days.
It didn’t give me much comfort when the hospital folks said that there was no need to worry, because the protests were going on in the front of the hospital, and we were in the back. Neither did the swarm of military helicopters I could see, or the fact that I could hear the angry shouting mob when I stepped outside the Recovery Room. We all owe a tremendous thank you to the Gulshan Lake Rotary club, the staff of the Eastern Residence Hotel, hospital security, the city police and the Bangladesh military for protecting us.
It was heartwrenching watching families being turned away because they didn’t qualify or because they were so severe we couldn’t safely operate on them. Considering I’ve never seen a person that is unable to get medical care, it was difficult to come to terms with how their medical system works. I understand why it has to work as it does. I can not tell you the monumental respect that I have for the hospital staff, from the doctors to the cleaning ladies, that show up everyday and deal with impossible situation after impossible situation. I fully believe it would crush me. One of the local surgeons said to me, “Come here and work for 6 months and you will no longer cry.” I’ve been unabashedly crying over patients for 23 years. The day I can’t cry is the day I need to leave nursing.
EVERYTHING was recycled at Shishu including gloves and gauze.
Speaking of crying, I’m still not able to put into words having to walk away from Tonya the day before we left. I’m trying to find out what happened with her sister (the burn victim) but haven’t had any luck so far.
On to the good…
It was extraordinarily cool. How often to you get to hang out with a US Ambassador and the wonderful staffers that have dedicated their lives to bridging peace and watching over the visiting US citizens? I’ve never before been asked to a Chargé D’Affairs house for drinks. And on our last night, there was a dance troupe from New York City that happened to be performing. We were honored to be guests of the Ambassador and sit on the front row of the theater with photographers taking our pictures like we were somebody important.
Ambassador Mozena…The US Ambassador to Bangladesh.
It was bizarre feeling on display like a panda in the zoo. People would stand in front of us and stare. They were constantly taking our pictures. I had many a kid shoved at me and a picture taken before I could react. I had people walk up and touch me, my skin, my face, my hair. They didn’t worry about people’s personal space.
I gave and received a lot of hugs.
It was profound to be so readily accepted in to a country and culture so different from my own. To work side by side with people that it was difficult, if not impossible, to communicate with if there was no interpreter. To have non-cleft palate families handing me their sick babies because they believed I could some how help them. I couldn’t even explain to them my inability to help, all I could do was hug them, shake my head no, and walk away. I formed true relationships with people that I will never forget. Many of whom I call friends now.
It was miraculous, the transformation of faces was absolutely miraculous. Somehow I ended up a small part of an incredible Alliance for Smiles team of highly skilled and amazingly humble people that selflessly dedicated two weeks of their lives to completely change the lives of these courageous children and their families. I saw children with horrible deformities look whole after surgery. The best part was that I didn’t have to leave wondering if we made a difference, because it was as plain as the beautiful new smile on their face!
Cleft palate repair. So pretty!
Now when people ask “How was it?” I still don’t have a short dramatic response to answer the question. So like everyone else, I guess I’m stuck with, “It was life changing. Everyone should experience it for themselves.” It doesn’t tell the story, but it sure is the truth.